Yes, that's right. I did it. I had to.
There was really no other way to let the world know that I was starting a new page, turning over a new leaf. What was I going to do, put an announcement in the local paper? What's a paper? Oh, no. The status update is all.
In today's semi-voyeuristic social networking cult that I like to call life, status is everything. How else would the waiting public know that "Ooh-girl" broke up with "What's-his-dick?" That "Rudeboi999" is now practicing a form of religion known only as "Other?" That "Hotstuff00" is confused about his/her/their gender, again? It's obvious, we all know that the truth lies in the status.
“The status update is all.”
Therefore, as is necessary when announcing any major life change or gender reconstruction to your closest 1,875 friends, I, Shanita "McNita" John, have changed my status. I have changed Myspace Education Status from "In College" to "College Graduate." I have changed my Graduated In "N/A" to "2006." And then finally, I have changed my STD Status to Chlamydia, just to keep people guessing.
I kid. STDs aren't funny. I don't know why I keep bringing them up.
But for the first two status changes I am genuine. Even though it hasn't sunk in yet, I have indeed graduated from the Minneapolis College of Art & Design. The ceremony was on December 15 in the Year of Our Lord 2006. By the way, is it still the Year of Our Lord? I don't have a problem with this, I just could have sworn it was the Year of Our Lord last year and at least briefly in 1997 too. Just checking.
So, what does this mean for the future? Well, for the immediate future, it means that I'm going to continue to sit here in my pajamas and Santa hat eating mushy Cocoa Puffs. Soy milk dribbling onto my shirt. Wondering if we had another time change no one told me about because I just woke up and it's after 1:00 PM. (Do we ever move time forward more than an hour? Say by 3 or 4 hours? No? Ok.)
But for the "future-future," it means that I will cherish my accomplishments, fondly recall my experiences, embrace my new horizons, and heed the words of Bill Rude my rockin' Rockabilly commencement speaker (throws up horns) and "Don't Stop Believin'."
It means I will climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every—I have to go Spongebob just came on.